There is Hope if You Let Yourself "Just Be"

Happy New Year to everyone! I've been off of the blog world for a while; God's plan for me has taken me to places I never thought imaginable about 5 years ago when my world fell apart after losing Rachel to melanoma. As we make our way into 2014, I want to share with you some advice learned through personal encounters and life events that I hope will give you hope; hope when you have encountered tragedy, loss, grief, frustration, sadness, or whatever painful experiences you have been faced with.

Melanoma, and cancer in general, can rip us apart. It can destroy our faith in God, in medical professionals, and even in ourselves. To see someone you love dearly dying and not being able to do anything is crushing to the soul. Those of you who have read this blog over the last five years have seen the path that Rachel and I and her family have taken. You have seen the hurt, the loss, and the grief we have experienced. Thankfully, you have seen the blessings, the miracles, and the beauty we have also experienced due to our faith and love of God and one another. I implore all of you to take our experiences as well as the good and bad experiences you've had and make yourself a promise to always look for the positive. In the last five years of our lives, we have come so far, and our faith has been such a big part of that. Those of us who have been touched by Rachel's life and love and knowing that there is an angel looking out for all of us has been a guiding light leading us to where we are now, and continues to be a beacon leading us through the present into a bright future.You have heard me discuss our core values of Faith, Family, and Friends (those 3 F's!), but here is something else that has kept me going since those dark times in 2009. That something I know as: Just Be.

Shortly after Rachel's passing, Fr. Tim O'Neill, our pastor at St. Patrick's Catholic Church in Hubbard, OH, talked with us and told us what it means to "Just Be". Father Tim has brought the concept of "Just Be" to many people via his homilies and sermons in church and I even read about him discussing this years ago as a young Jesuit Priest to a young athlete from reading the biography of a local world champion boxer, Ray Mancini, called "The Good Son" by Mark Kriegel. What a simple, yet powerful statement that is. Just Be. Two words. One sentence. Many meanings.

Just Be. Have you ever just sat somewhere and taken in what is all around you? Smelled the air, looked at the scenery, thought about what is good in your life? How many times do you focus on the negative and what worries you have? When you try and Just Be, you take a break from all of those external stressors and focus on what good is in your life. You have heard me discuss miracles in previous posts. I'll say this again: Most miracles that we experience we are blind to because we are not looking for them or we don't consider them miracles. We are looking for the "big story" miracles; you know, the ones that you read in magazines and newspapers. We fail most of the time to see what miracles are happening because we can't see the forest for the trees! Just Be. Give yourself time to sit back and relax. Close your eyes. Focus on the miracles that you have experienced today. The sunrise, your children, your parents, the love people have for you - these are commonly missed miracles! Let the good in your life (I promise no matter how bad things may be there are positives there!) take over your mind. Focus on how no matter how hard things have been for you, you have made it through, although maybe scarred or injured emotionally or physically. Your being here through it all is a good example of the concept of Just Be.

Five years ago, I was a man who had lost his way in life, through the tragedy of losing his amazing and beautiful wife. I had lost my way and had no compass to guide me through life. I was a ship without sails caught in many turbulent currents surrounded by heavy seas and torrential storms. Many of these storms were of my own creation. I tried so hard to make things right, to re-create my life to make it the way it was. I never heard of the "Just Be" concept. I was more of a "Just Try" or "Just Maybe" sort of guy. I made some rash and sometimes horrible decisions. It took a strong faith renewed by my brothers and sisters in Christ to give me a compass. It took the concept of "Just Be" to give me my sails. I realized I am part of something bigger. I am in the world. I am one of God's children. I am a miracle. I am surrounded by miracles. I am me. I am a gift. I have been blessed with countless gifts. I have faith, faith that can carry me through the depths of hell! Deep breath, and there I am, doing just what God wants me to be in Him, with Him, and through Him. Just Be.

Now as I make my way forward with all of you, my family and friends, I look at the importance and the impact of Just Be in my life. I have remarried; she is a beautiful woman who accepts and understands my past, and has an unshakable faith in God like I do, and her name is Kristy. I have just witnessed the birth of our first child, a young girl we named Reyanne Beverly Possert. Life has not always been easy. It is sometimes very hard. But here I am, and here we are. Join me in this beautiful world full of miracles and realize that in order to lose ourselves in the good in our lives and move forward through the hard times, we must sometimes Just Be. I wish all of you blessings and miracles in your lives. You are a miracle, you are loved. Just Be.

Love and Peace

Happy holidays everyone. I can tell you that despite the extreme loss our families and friends have experienced this year by the loss of our angel, Rach, we are keeping the faith. While we will all be sad because she isn't with us for this, our first Christmas since she went to be with God, we continue to be picked up by the love surrounding us. I started my holiday leave, which doubles as pre-deployment leave (I go on deployment early next month) last Friday. Let me tell you all how that has gone, and hopefully catch you up since my last post.

In August, I transferred from Ohio, where the Navy was stationing me during my Humanitarian Reassignment due to Rachel's illness and passing, to Mayport, Florida (near Jacksonville). I can't lie to you, it was quite difficult. Making the trip knowing I was going back to an apartment that she never truly got the chance to live in; an abode that contained 99% of the last 7 years of my life with her. Memories (good and sad), realizing I would be going back to work without her support, knowing that I would be alone in my apartment without her companionship; these were all things on my mind as I traveled down. I'm not going to lie; it was daunting. I started to try and date someone; which I thought was going to be okay. I found out that I was not ready in many ways than one. I started to experience some health issues due to depression and anxiety. These issues were made worse by my ship's visit to Norfolk, VA (where Rach and I spent the first half our lives together and actually where we got married - click this link for that story). Things got so bad for me emotionally I had to get my medications adjusted. I was taking 50 mg of Zoloft daily and 1 mg of Xanax as needed. The docs upped my Zoloft to 100 mg daily and changed my Xanax to 1 mg of Ativan as needed. Both changes started to help me feel normal and I am glad to say that I feel so much better emotionally. Things in Jacksonville are going much better.

During my visit to Norfolk, I stopped by the USS Wisconsin to reflect and reminisce about one of the best times of my life. As much pain as I may have experienced being there; the memories of great times there warmed me up a bit. Still, I was a bit upset. I decided one night to go out and stay at a hotel in downtown Norfolk. While staying there I decided to go shopping at the McArthur Center Mall in downtown. I went to the Barnes & Noble bookstore in there and while holding back tears, bought a book written by the "medium" made famous by the NBC TV show "Medium", Allison DuBois. The book was called "We Are Their Heaven". I spent the entire night at the hotel reading this book and bawling my eyes out over some of the stories people which Allison shared in this book. I used to be quite cynical, until Rachel's passing. Reading this book really interested me in this woman; so much, in fact, that I felt compelled to go see a seminar of her's down in Orlando. It was really beautiful and I made a few good friends there. I'm actually getting a personal reading via phone from her and I'm excited to hear what she has to say.

I started my leave last Friday, and it has truly been a treat. Spending some quality time with my Dad, my Grandparents, and multitudes of family and friends was just what the doctor ordered. I bought my father a laptop and finally got him into the 21st century! It made me feel good to do that for him. I found Rachel's last painting at the apartment, I matted and framed it, and gave it to them for Christmas. I spent some time with Rachel's nieces, who are little angels in their own right. I went to a Cleveland Cavaliers game; and the ticket I bought were in the 1st row behind the basket; and I had a blast! While I was able to spend time with a good number of my family and friends, there were still many who I was unable to visit or meet up with, and I miss and love you all whether or not I was able to see you.

Another thing I have been inspired to do by Rachel and by the support structure I have been surrounded with, thanks to my 3F's (Faith, Family, and Friends), is getting involved with my Catholic and Christian vocation. While on deployment, I will be the ship's Catholic Lay Leader, and will be doing a witness for my hometown Parish, St. Patrick's, for their Men's Renewal. I would love to be able to do so in person, but I will be overseas during the Renewal, so I am going to video it and send it to the team for the event. I hope that I can use my experiences from my life, and especially from this last year, to continue to inspire more people.

As we get closer to this holiday, do something for me; for yourself; for your loved ones. Show them your love any way you can. Tell them, hold them, give in their name, donate your time and talents with them and for them. If you are holding a grudge, contact the person and forgive them. Pray for your enemies. Pray for peace. Pray for love. Pray for each other. I love you all and may your holidays be filled with much love and peace.

Here is video I thought I would share with you all. Some good advice is in it. Enjoy and God Bless.

Inspiration. It's All Around Us.

Yeah. That's right. Why haven't I been blogging more often? Is it because I am limiting myself to the more short-attention span focused mini-blogging sites like Facebook and Twitter? Well, not exactly. Yes, I have been all over them; posting many different things, good, bad, indifferent. What's the common bond between all the things I have been up to everywhere but here lately?

Inspiration.

Let's see. It has been a at least a couple of months since I have posted on here. That doesn't mean I haven't wanted to. I just didn't have the inspiration to actually write an entire entry. The things I have been through in the past few months have all together been some of the most refreshing, spiritual, fulfilling, meaningful, and most of all needed things I've experienced in years. You all know what happened five months ago. You all have seen the transformation in my tone, my personality, and my faith. What could possibly be so inspirational that it takes a human being and changes them so drastically (in a good way)?

As I have wrote in the blog before, the support of literally thousands of people is one of the things that never ceases to amaze me. Now that I have run the gamut of pain, anguish, sadness, etc., and seen how everyone was there for me, I now have seen how everyone responds to those who have gone through what I have. It's like a waterfall. Water keeps falling over the edge, because of gravity, yet it is beautiful. People, without thinking, jump into the act of supporting, consoling, loving someone who needs it. The numero uno most important thing I think God has blessed us with as humans is LOVE. When we start losing our faith, what should we do? How can we get it back? When we are surrounded by hate, death, sin, illness, etc., how can we have faith?

Have you looked in the eyes of your loved one(s) lately? Your children, your husband or wife, your parents, your siblings, your friends? When is the last time you heard the words "I Love You", coming out of their mouth or yours? Have you experienced unconditional love? I have. I don't always need to hear it to know it is there. It's nice, of course, to hear the words, but they are only words. Think about when you were sad for whatever reason, and someone said, "Hey, you okay? You want to talk about it"? Think about the last time you were upset; a funeral, the ending of a relationship, a big move to another city, a lost job...did you have someone offer to help? Did anyone come and hug you or try to make you feel better with a joke or a nice comment? My friends, all of the above is love. We may not be thinking we are giving love to others by doing those simple things, but we are. We inspire each other so much without even knowing it. Isn't that beautiful?

I had a few talks with some good friends on faith. I have also been deep in discussion with a few friends on how to work through problems in your relationships. I always striven for my marriage to Rachel to be inspirational to others. I wanted people to look at how our relationship was and to try and emulate it. Well, of course, that is something now that can only be done by people reading about how we were; of course the folks who have known us throughout or lives and relationship can use their memories of our marriage for guidance. I learned some important things in life through my time on Earth with Rach. I learned that while walking forward you should never turn your back and look behind you, and you should never try and sprint ahead too far into the future. Live in the present and pace yourself. Don't try to hurry through the bad times by looking at the end of them; focus on making the bad times good. Time goes fast when we are having fun because we are not focusing on the end of them. Don't keep score. Don't count how many bad things you have done or what your partner has done. Wipe the board clean every day. God has done that for us. Watch this video on having regrets:



I know sometimes life can be hard. I of all people know that. But, we have so much around us to lean on. We have so much around us to inspire us. We have so many around to be there for us. Use each other when you need to. I'm here for every last one of you. I pray I can inspire each of you like you inspire me.

It's Been a While...

I know it has been quite a while since I have posted...while I will not pass on all 0f my "excuses" for not writing, I can tell you all that I have had some interesting things happen physically in the past few weeks.

On Super Bowl Sunday, I had a major anxiety attack. I seriously thought I was dying of a heart attack. I had a few smaller ones throughout that day. I went to the doctors the next day and was prescribed Xanax and Zoloft. I'm also seeing a psychologist as well (on my own accord). I have had these things called PVCs (Premature Ventricular Contractions) where my heart skips a beat as well. I have had to wear a monitor for 24 hours this past week to make sure that they are related to stress and anxiety and not some other more serious physical problem.

I find that now, six weeks after Rachel's passing, I have been riding on a roller coaster of emotions. Sadness (of course); anger, guilt, lonesomeness, helplessness, and many others. I have tried moving on sometimes I think too fast. I am a very inquisitive and analytical person. I blame that one my almost 15 years in the Navy. While Rachel was sick I made sure I knew the defination and cause and effect of every single symptom and or diagnosis that the doctors or nurses gave to me. I now have continued to do that on myself; I knew what the PVCs were before I went to the doctor's office and had him tell me from looking at an EKG. The unfortunate thing here is my analytical ways have just been another way of inflating the internal balloon that is my anxiety level. I was not letting myself grieve. I was not letting myself release the emotions pent up inside of me; instead I was putting up a facade of I'm doing okay, everything is fine, etc. Well, the balloon burst.

For the last couple of weeks especially, I kept telling myself that I seriously needed a woman, friend or not, to do nothing but hold me all night. Someone to comfort me and plutonicly satisfy an urge I have come to know is called "skin hunger". Well after talking to more than a few women and realizing where I am at in my grieving process, I understand completely that this is my longing for Rachel to be here with me and my need for her to hold me (and the associated sadness in knowing that she cannot physically be here to do that). Among all of her beautiful ways; the smile, the sense of humor, the vivality; she had an amazing way of bringing us comfort by how she held us. Anyone who receieved a hug from Rach felt something from it. I don't just mean physically either. It was a hug, a hold, that went straight to your heart and soul. It was a way for her to give you something that she could not give to you verbally or visually. It was a way for you to enjoy her spiritual gift she was giving to you. Near the end of my eulogy for Rach at her funeral mass, one of the things I said was for every person (mind you the number of people there was approaching 1,000) to turn to each other and hug each other and tell them you loved them. This was something that only came to me as I knelt beside her body for the last time before they closed the casket. It was her way of channeling through me one last hug and I love you to each and every person there. She knew that out of the thousand people at her funeral mass, only a handful actually were able to get that from her before she passed; I felt like she succeded in ensuring everyone knew it was her; I watched in melancholy happiness as the entire church attendance gave each other what she wanted them to have.

I am not going to lecture or even post anything about melanoma in this entry. This entry is more related to love and love lost. Read how I am feeling. Read how you would feel. Take that emotion and use it to be a better husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, son, daughter, brother, sister, cousin, or friend. Don't take love and emotions and feelings for granted. Don't be afraid to show your feelings, and when someone shows you theirs, take them and let them touch your heart and soul like Rachel was able to touch ours.

For those of you who need that someone; that friend, that someone to show you what I am describing, contact me. Part of my life's goals are not only to pass on education and awareness of Rachel's illness, but to pass on the love and joy she always brought to everyone she came into contact with. May God bless you all...and I know it may be off of the subject of this post in general, but please say some prayers for my friend Linda Ramirez, who is suffering from stage IV melanoma like Rachel did. Pray for all cancer patients. Pray for all widows and widowers, no matter what age they may be. Pray for your families and friends. Pray for thanks for what we have in our lives.