Tuesday, January 13, 2009

It's Getting Harder, for All of Us

In the past week things have changed with Rach. Things that are worrying me. She has acquired a chest cold from someone and is having some trouble breathing from it. That cough and wheezing associated with it are making her nervous and in turn me as well. She has lost all of the strength in her legs to be able to hold up her frame to move even short distances; she fell when we were trying to move her from her laz-e-boy to her wheelchair yesterday, and luckily I was holding her and was strong enough to let her down softy so she didn't hurt anything. She is losing the ability to control her urination and bowels, and that presents her with not only a physical uncomfortableness that we must constantly help her with by changing undergarments and cleaning her (which requires her to stand up which as I said earlier is becoming increasingly difficult), but with an embarrassing emotional uncomfortableness that is the result of knowing that she messed herself.

We have initiated working with Hospice. We are working with Southern Care, who employs some amazing folks who have made this emotional transition in our lives a little more bearable. She'll have a nurse dedicated to her care (medications and medical care), a social worker available to answer questions for her and us and provide emotional support, a personal care assistant who will come and do things to make her comfortable, a companion to keep her company if and when all of us in the household have to leave to take care of things outside of the home, and a chaplain who can provide us with spiritual support during this difficult time.

As time goes on, it appears that this beast is having its way with my girl. Watching her go through this is harder and more painful than anything I have ever experienced before. I'm not sure how much longer she will be able to fight this, as weak and exhausted as she is. I cry even more now than I ever have, sometimes uncontrollably, especially at night. The thoughts and stresses and regrets that come along with seeing someone you love going through something like this are unexplainable.

I look into the future (even though I shouldn't) and see a lot of confusion and emptiness if she is not with me. Right now I need all of your prayers for her strength as well as mine and her family's; I need your prayers for her comfort and ability to relax and feel better no matter how that will happen; I need your prayers that no matter what God has in store for us we are able to deal with it. I keep telling myself that in the Lord's prayer, we are told: "Thy will be done". I keep reminding myself of that fact. I have no control here, and I know that is the case. All I can do is be here for her and do the best I can to keep her comfortable.

  • For those of you who feel the need to go to the tanning salon, especially now during the winter since you can't "lay out" in order to get a tan, please consider getting a much safer spray-on tan or go buy some tanning cream or spray your friends or significant other can apply to you to give you that tan. Think of how much safer it is, please!
  • I can't stress enough to each and every one of you how important it is to check yourself and have your friends or partners check your body and skin for moles that appear discolored or misshapen. Many of you have been taught to check your breasts or testicles for lumps or abnormalities in order to fend off cancer in them. Well, your skin needs to be checked just as robustly as anything else. You can get melanoma in the weirdest places, like in the creases of your labia, or in the crack of your butt, or in an armpit, or even under hair follicles on your head.
Bottom line, don't let yourself be affected by melanoma the way we have. Head it off before it gets a chance to mess up your life and the lives of your loved ones.

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Dennis Merdich said...

Hey Rach, Your a strong woman and you will get thru this. Richele and I pray for you daily. We Love YOU. Dennis

Anonymous said...

Hey Rach,you are one of the strongest women i know keep fighting you can do this.You are in mine and my families prayer.We love you.Jeff

Hillary M. Madeline said...

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other."
-Abraham Lincoln

May you find the strength you need in quiet moments. May you find strength in the recolections of memories you've made with people you love. May you grow stronger with each hope you have for your tomorrows. From wherever and however, may you find the strength that YOU know is in there to press on, prevail, and weather this storm. Don't ever allow to escape you the knowledge and understanding of how strong you really are. Beaten up and tired and exhausted and frustrated, you are strong. It's in there!

Rachel Cano said...

Rach, I love you girl! You're in my daily prayers and I know that Ricky is taking good care of you. Stay strong love!
Love you bunches!